Today is 7th september 2014. Exactly 1 year has passed. My baby boy muhammad wafiy auzaie is turning 1 year old. Alhamdulillah. Reminiscing the throwback journey, I still strongly remember all those pain i need to endure during labor..hehe..the contraction,huh..very painful,unable to describe it. Maybe i need to get over the contraction pain before planning for second baby..hehe..whenever i think about contraction it gave goosebumps. Not to scare all of you but just to share what i've gone through :)

A day before wafiy was born, i still actively went to MME department in UIA to settle few things regarding my study leave. No contraction or braxton hicks at all,at that time my pregnancy was full termed,37 weeks. I drove alone to uia,walking around,eating like usual. But i still remember on that day,i explore the 4th level building using stairs! No lift at all..haha..Just to get some light exercise so that i could give birth faster. It was true! on 6th september after subuh prayer, i felt regular contraction which im not sure the true or false alarm. It was so frequent and i felt uncomfortable.I took my cellphone,calling my twin sister (my personal doctor..hehe) to confirm should i go the hospital or just have a rest at home.erm.. the funny part was when i told my husband about my "stomachache" he confidently said im hungry hahaha..acceptable as this was our first baby :p My twin taught me how to count the contraction and exactly this was not the false alarm. It's more like PMS. My stomach got cramp and the position of sujud really calm me down. At 10 am,we decided to go to al islam specialist hospital in kampung baru to see our gynae...

to be continued :p
Finally i managed to rent a house in manchester, inshaAllah our future house will be in victoria park, manchester for the next 3 years. Thanks so much to my fellow friend for helping me a lot. Only Allah can repay all your good deeds. I will update when i will be moving to the uk as for now my family and i are waiting for the visa appointment. We are planning to use priority visa service whereby we have to pay extra rm580 for each applicant. This huge amount cannot be reimbursed and yes we have to use our own money. What to do right? I choose this way hehe..later we have to think about packing, moving from our current house and many more. Meanwhile, my husband unpaid leave has been approved by the department and his last day of working will be on 15th september..thanks dear for you sacrification. InshaAllah kita berhijrah sementara untuk kebaikan :) 
Finally i am done with my research proposal presentation with dr.asan gani at student affairs department yesterday! Syukur alhamdulillah. The presentation went well and it was a one to one presentation. I requested the presentation to be held earlier before i leaving to the uk. Actually for academic trainee from uia who will be pursuing master/phd, they have to attend research methodology course organized by centre of postgraduate student (CPS) and it is compulsory! The certificate just valid for two years and that's why i have to re-take the course. This is 5 days course man!! first i dont want to attend this course because of my typical postgraduate thinking that i already took this similar course 3 years ago. But then,i realized i already forgot most of the content (i never flip on those files related to the course, end means end :p) and strongly believe that this course will be very useful for my phd studies. So throw away all those negatives thinking :)

While im away for the course, husband took care of wafiy and  brought him to the office..haha..thanks dear! Luckily his working time is a bit flexilable and everyone at the office knew wafiy. I actually wanted to send wafiy to uia daycare. However, no luck on me as there is no vacancy on that particular date. Quite frustrated because i wanted to expose wafiy with different environment by mix around with other kids at the daycare. 5 days should be enough for beginning right ?im not that paranoid anymore haha..semangat nak hantar wafiy to daycare :)

Regarding my presentation, somehow i hardly believe that i managed to come out with phd proposal on my own!!syukur Ya Allah. I still remember how i cracked my head few months back reading all those related journals to come out with research questions! I tell you it's very tough!! Alhamdulillah, Dr asan can cleary see the issue that i wanted to address in the problem statement as well as my main objectives. I just to need to make some adjustment about my forth objective. Really shined up my day :) Then he asked me about my contribution from this phd research project and definitely i tried my best to convince him about my future planning. May Allah make it a smooth sailing inshaAllah. I have to know my research direction to avoid any confusion later either me myself got confuse or my supervisor. On the other hand, i already can see the novelty of my phd project. Hopefully it works well inshaAllah.

Thanks dr asan for your advise which i will surely remember it forever! Not everyone has the opportunity to pursue phd abroad therefore i have to take this golden opportunity to seek knowledge as much as possible,learning their research culture, mix around with the native people over there, stay away from malaysian because dr asan told me there are so many malaysian in manchester (haha..i got what u mean sir!). And not to forget,family is always the priority as well as your study..inshaAllah im looking forward the new path of my life so soon!

5 days been away from dearest son was such a terrible feelings..tambah tambah wafiy still fully breastfeedings..but i have to attend that compulsory course organized by birotatanegara (BTN)..wajib!!!..few weeks before leaving to the course,i put endless effort to pump as much as i could!! every seconds i was thinking about pumping..haha..typical new mother..want the best to her milk production wasnt so good sad..perhaps because i seldom pumping and prefer to direct feeding my baby..sometimes laziness is the main barrier that hinder myself from frequent pumping..hehe..i admit im quite lazy to pump..i did understand the concept of demand and supply but to practice is a big challenge..sometimes i did mention to my husband we should buy formula milk when im away for the course..see the mind set already wrong..i shouldnt say that way..i should be positive..i always worry my milk is not suffice..huhu..but my always positive husband convinced me that i can do it...i can store enough milk before leaving to the course..big role of husband in bf and action should come in parallel..

btn is such a good course which i really recommended for everyone..suka suka hati nak recommend..haha..i never ever been in long patriotic course..haha..i taught it was boring,strict,dull,sleepy,not interesting..see..negative again!!!!but i was totally fact this course has widened my knowledge,increased my confident level, very very interesting unless for the perlembagaan part,i fell asleep during the talk..haha...i couldnt open my eyes..i was dozing off....i was too tired or the content of the talk was so heavy and need deep focus..but my roomate who working as a lawyer told me that the talk was interesting..hehe..

Since the btn course was held in the month of  Ramadhan, the schedule wasnt so strict and quite many activities were cancelled and replaced by appropriate ones. For instance, at night session,there was no ceramah because of terawikh prayer which can be performed at walking distance masjid next to the was such a big least we can grab the pahala of terawikh although we were in the course...after terawikh there was no more activity..hehe..

We were divided into small group and my group consists of 10 member (if im not mistaken) and each of us came from different background like doctors, engineers, lecturers and teacher.It was good to know people from different field as different experiences and opinions were shared by them.Some of the group members already in their 50s and their thoughts really make sense.Our group consists of malay,chinese and india,satu malaysia!!! During latihan dalam kumpulan (LDK), we were having some sort of activities like discussion, debate, short lecture and games. It was fun!! I got to fully understand about federal constitution (haha..i never ever care about this thing before), what is jus soli all about, what is our right as a malay, history and many more.It widened up my knowledge seriously.alhamdulillah 

Scenery of early morning in front of masjidil haram


upon the arrival at jeddah airport (excited)

Waiting for the bus to bring us to medina :)

camel's milk

our qiblat,kaabah..

Air zam zam..sedap sangat!!!

masjid quba

masjidil haram 

me and mama

after subuh prayer..i miss this moment so much :(

imam besar masjid muhammadi,ustaz rosli,our mutawwif

bukit magnet

susu unta

6 monts of pregnancy,wafiy still in my tummy masa nie.hehe

hubby and my in laws hantar kat airport ;)

Jeddah airport

umrah yang pertama,akan di ingatan selamanya..

masjidil haram
This is the outdated post,really wanna write my experience been in mecca and madinah for the past 4 months..its memorable and so special because i carry along someone in my tummy to those holy places.It was a smooth journey,alhamdulillah,i got no big problem carrying 6 months baby inside my tummy,just have to be careful with my steps as well as control my breathing because at this stage i can easily getting tired if walk too much.Allah knows each of us capability. Reminiscne the conversion between mum and me early of this year

mama : mama nak pergi mekah
me : bawak la ni sama,nak pergi,hehe
mama : boleh ni nak pergi inshaAllah

Invitation from Allah is the most precious and it can be in any forms or ways to get there.Mama n papa waiting for my confirmation and after further discuss with husband,i decided to perform the umrah on jun (at this stage,still,i was thinking about my thesis :p). papa and mama agreed with my decision and papa took his role searching for the travel agency.Considering my condition 6 months of pregnancy,papa tried his best to find the nearest hotel to masjidil hafam. After all, they finally chose Al-Quds travel to manage this umrah trip. The test had just begun. At first,i was told by my parents the hotel is just about 200 m from masjidil haram and i feel so vibrant and energetic. Allah has a better plan for us,at the last minute the agency told us that the actual location of hotel was 500 m from masjidil haram as they need to switch the hotel due to the less jemaah in this umrah trip..Can i walk that far in my current condition under scorching sunlight that almost hit 50 degree celcius? Just leave it to Allah and He will take care the rest of it.

The sweetest moment begins when the plane touched down the Jeddah airport..i was so excited yet deep in my heart i miss my husband in malaysia so much...(husband not following us due some reasons,one of the reasons because he just came back from mecca and madinah during previous hajj).Baby inside my tummy also kicking frequently (happy kot dapat follow ibu pergi umrah.hehe). When i stepped on the jeddah land,i couldnt believe that finally im in saudi! Rasa macam dalam mimpi!! terlupa kejap mengandung..hehe..( not able to describe here,terlalu happy and syukur sangat diberikan peluang sampai ke bumi mekah and madinah ^_^) Dulu selalu cakap kat diri sendiri, i must perform umrah first,then i can travel to anywhere i want,alhamdulillah,finally fulfill the requirement untuk travel ke mana mana je lepas nie..hehe..

I love madinah so much,im in love with medina..i now understand why Rasulullah SAW loves madinah...everyone must go there at once in your lifetime,the u will understand was like love at the first sight..looking at the bukit uhud,i was so touched..teringat kisah Rasulullah berperang and so many things...It was like,inilah bukit uhud yang Rasulullah sayang sangat..aku pun sayang bukit uhud..that words keep on playing in my mind,,, advise to anyone yang nak pergi umrah,try to dig out kisah kisah Rasulullah and para sahabat,inshaAllah memang kita akan lagi hayati bila dapat tengok sendiri tempat tempat sejarah Rasulullah dan para Sahabat yang kita baca :) One more thing.pregnant women yang nak buat umrah are not encourage ambil vaccine because maybe akan effect baby in the tummy,therefore,water intake and pakai mask everywhere paling penting..When im in mecca and madinah,im using the nose mask (ala yang insert dalam hidung macam pakai oxygen nobody knows kita pakai mask.Bagus sangat the nostril mask sebab preventing all the finest dirt daripada masuk dalam hidung,alhamdulillah tak batuk and selsema pun sepanjang 2 weeks kat sana :)

Due to very hot weather,memang kulit akan pecah sikit and lips pun akan dry,travel agency normally will provide the lip balm and sun block to all the jemaah umrah,so make use all those given items okey..hehe..During our time in madinah,arab people memang tengah cuti sekolah,therefore madinah and mecca memang in masjid nabawi,we have to go there early because if we were late,all spaces in the masjid memang fully occupied,so kena solat kat perkarangan masjid saja :( Toilet is everywhere, dont have to worry,lets say we need to renew our ablution or anything related to it...

We spent our time in madinah about 4 days..tak puas!!thats what i can conlude..i wish i could stay longer in so nervous when we were leaving the madinah heading to mecca..i was thinking about how could i feel for the first time seeing the kaabah..i really cant wait for that..mutawwif remind kami semua untuk perbanyyakkan talbiah.. alhamdulillah around 11 pm we reached makkah...talbiah makin kerap kedengaran memuji kebesaran ilahi...niat di miqat telah kami semua tunaikan dan kami harus selesai umrah yang pertama pada malam itu..otherwise, all of us will be in ihram for the whole night ( susah ya nak jaga pantang larang..nanti tak pasal pasal kena bayar dam).

Pertama kali melihat masjidil haram hanya Allah yang tahu my was indescribable..the most holy place in the world was in front of my eyes (teary eyes, sebak, sedih, terharu..mengenangkan dosa dosa yang banyak sangat..masih Allah jemput untuk menjadi tetamunya T_T) Terlalu ramai umat manusia di masjidil haram..i can see the tower clock too..tiba2 i forgot that im pregnant,terlalu semangat nak buat umrah,jalan pun laju je, kalah orang tak pregnant..hehe..once i stepped inside the holy mosque, suddenly i can see the kaabah..Allah..terus sebak..air mata menitis..Inilah kaabah yang selama 27 tahun hanya ku lihat ditelevisyen,majalah,newspaper..Allah:( Nikmat mana lagi yang mahu kamu dustakan? Perasaan yang paling indah pernah dirasai dalam hidup ini dapat melihat kaabah di depan that time,memang ramai sangat jemaah tengah tawaf keliling kaabah untuk selesaikan ibadah umrah..alhamdulillah me,mama and makcida (one of the jemaah) holding hands masa keliling kaabah sehingga selesai ibadah tawaf. Papa follow from belakang, jaga kami semua,ye lah keadaan saya pun masa tu 6 months of pregnancy, banyak yang menolak2 dari belakang,alhamdulillah Allah ease everything for us..

Lepas tawaf,the final part untuk complete rukun umrah iaitu saie..really must good stamina nak buat ibadah saie nie..jalan antara bukit safa dan bukit marwah 7 kali..jauh rupanya.. memang the most semput part for me was saie..mungkin condition masa tu pun tengah sarat pregnant kan..alhamdulillah saie memang fully aircond,orang kata memang selesa lah..boleh kita bayang tak siti hajar ke bukit safa dan marwah berjalan bawah cahaya matahari yang terik?Allah,hebat sangat iman..mungkin hanya sekecil semut dibandingkan iman dalam diriku ini :( 

Cuaca yang sangat panas terik sangatlah mencabar masa time kat mekah and madinah...sepanjang 8 hari di mekah,alhamdulillah dapat buat umrah 3 or 4 kali macam tu..memang saya terpaksa buat gap sebab taknak bagi badan letih sangat,alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan segalanya:) Still remember this one thing,masa dalam masjidilharam,saya tertidur sekejap sebab letih dan mengantuk, mama and makcikda dah balik ke hotel dulu,saya tak larat so im just staying dalam masjid je sampai ke maghrib. Tiba tiba ada seorang budak kecil tegur saya,she can speak english,orang susah,dia travel by road dengan mak ayah dia datang mekah buat umrah.I forgot her name,tapi dia lebih kurang umur 11 tahun or 12 tahun kot...she asked me,did u memorize Quran?Allah,malunya diriku :( Surah surah yang this girl ingat jauh lebih banyak dari diriku yang serba kurang nie..kami sama sama baca Quran,kira macam tasmik la,saya baca Quran,dia dengar and betulkan mana yang saya tak ingat and bila dia baca Quran,saya tegur if ada bacaan yang salah..age is not a big matter..matured sangat the girl even baru umur 12 tahun.

Dapat berkenalan dengan kawan kawan baru adalah sangat best,meluaskan silatrurrahim..alhamdulillah still keep up touch through facebook...Yang paling best dapat new friend from istanbul, her name is fatma,such a nice lady, cantik, lembut, smart, physics student. Perkenalan yang bermula di masjidilharam..sangat istimewa..

Sesungguhnya, hati dan jasad ini terlalu rindu untuk menunaikan ibadah umrah lagi. InshaAllah bila wafiy dah besar sikit,ada rezeki nak pergi dengan suami dan anak pula,doa doakan kami ye :)

Thanks for reading:)
What to expect when you're expecting?

Alhamdulillah it was such a wonderful and happy moment yet indescribable feelings when knowing there is a tiny little creature from Allah growing inside the womb. Looking at friends who now become a mother, i just can resist the feeling inside my heart to be part of them,having my own child,to raise them wholeheartedly,love them,kiss them,and hugs them (though knowing the huge responsibility is awaiting). This probably the common thing that will happen to all married woman.Am i right?:)As a muslim and a believer of Allah, we have to pray only to HIM because after all, HE's the only One can make our doa comes true :) 


Back on december 2012, before my menses has been delayed for few days, i also experienced few weird symptoms such as severe bloating, mild dizziness and urinate frequently, perhaps those the only things that i could remember now.What pops up into my mind at that time is that "am i pregnant?".Obviously i keep on burping so many times and its really really uncomfortable *sigh*. However, i didn't put much hope on top of that things because i believe it will come(being pregnant) when the right time is coming:)To inform,my new hobby since married is buying various type of pregnancy kits..hehe..Sometime i always think "bila la nak guna test kit nie..hehe". Having those symptoms really makes me eager to do the UPT but i left all those kits at home in penang..aiyaa.. have to postpone  eventhough semangat berkobar-kobar masa tue. So i calm down myself, balik penang nanti  i will go for UPT test (Small hope is added here).Didn't tell hubby lagi at that time because i don't want to make him feel bad/frustrated if the outcome of the result is negative. This is what we called baru surprise kan? hehe. One more thing, we are weekend husband and wife,only seeing each other during weekend,jadi tak nak letak harapan tinggi-tinggi which eventually kami juga yang akan kecewa nanti.Allah itu Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang :)

I still remember on one peaceful monday morning somewhere in dec 12, i finally made the UPT test (right masa woke up for subuh prayer). I've been reading about this; the accurate result of UPT can be obtained early in the morning since masa nie HCG hormon kita tinggi. The journey begins..hehe..happy kot dapat jugak guna pregnancy kits...^_^ After waiting for few minutes, the double line appeared despite the line was not clear. My heart saying yes i'm pregnant but i also wondering "betul ke pregnant nie?" By alluding to the UPT, inshaAllah the result is accurate. The curios feeling is beyond everything now!


Before going to the school,saya singgah at usm panel clinic just nearby my house,klinik jammy-suzana for further check up.Definitely i need to justify either the UPT that i did on that morning is valid or not *big hope is coming into my way now*.The lovely doctor asked me to do the UPT again, and alhamdulillah the double line still exist :) Tapi sedih masa nie  sebab semua sorang2 since suami jauh kan :( Masa doctor cakap "tahniah ya wani" rasa macam seronoknya if my husband ada sama :(

While waiting for the acid folic and ubat tahan muntah prescribed by the doctor, i told my husband regarding the good news, still remember what i wrote is almost similar like this :

Me : Abg,dr kata macam pregnant,macam confuse pulak syg..huhu (huhu is the trademark between us...hehe)

Husband : Confirm ke syg..huhu (see..the huhu ada lagi..hehe)..Tibe-tibe i rasa macam happy sangat...

A brief and simple conversation but it was so meaningful... After 9 months of this beautiful marriage,Allah has given us the most precious gift, the miracle,syukur alhamdulillah :)

Please pray for us for me ya dear friend and readers:)
Jazakallah :)